POOP JIMMY
By Split
> BEGIN
You are the dastardly POOP JIMMY. You have been placed in indefinite emprisonment due to your NEFARIOUS DEFECATING ACTIVITIES. What will you do?
Ronnie
POOP JIMMY: Commence psychic link with partner in crime, WEE-WEE WILLY.
Soup
> Dunk head in bucket
> POOP JIMMY: Commence psychic link with partner in crime, WEE-WEE WILLY.
What? Who the fucking is WEE-WEE WILLY. There's no WEE-WEE WILLY. You would never degrade yourself by working with those causing INFERIOR WASTE HAVOC. Number one only works with number 2. It's just how it is.
Soup
> Take ? out of air and beat the bucket senseless.
> Take ? out of air and beat the bucket senseless.
You EQUIP the ? In your LEFT HAND SLOT. You begin whailing on the POOP BUCKET with all your might, removing a majority of the vessel's SCACONSTITUTIONAL METER's charge. You stop before going the whole way. You're a man of overwhelming mercy and kindness to wastekind.
Soup
> Throw poop on the walls while screaming like a monkey. Alternatively, look around the room for an exit.
> Throw poop on the walls while screaming like a monkey. Alternatively, look around the room for an exit.
You equip a FRESH TURD to your RIGHT HAND SLOT. You begin smearing ANCIENT VENUSIAN RUNES on the wall behind you. You don't end up engaging CHIMP RAGE as your vocal chords have been tired out from cussing out the guards earlier today.
Soup
> Punch walls to create exit
> Punch walls to create exit
This would be a fantastic idea if you were UNDEFEATABLE JIMMY. There seems to be a pretty obvious reason as to why UNDEFEATABLE JIMMY is out and you're stuck in this shithole.
Split
Ignore that i crossed out the wrong hand
:shushing_face:
Soup
> You're a fucking idiot. Disengage poopie from right hand, grab ? with right hand, use ? on wall.
> You're a fucking idiot. Disengage poopie from right hand, grab ? with right hand, use ? on wall.
Bet you feel like a fucking moron right now.
Soup
> Equip POOPIE BUCKET to HEAD.
> Equip POOPIE BUCKET to HEAD.
You don't have a HEAD SLOT, so you simply place the bucket on your head. The bucket's charge is added to your SCACONSTITUTIONAL METER. Your PERCIEVED POWER LEVEL is elevated, but not enough for the guards to put you in higher security.
Soup
> Use PERCIEVED POWER LEVEL to menace wall into breaking.
> Use PERCIEVED POWER LEVEL to menace wall into breaking.
You don't have a HEAD SLOT, so you simply place the bucket on your head. The bucket's charge is added to your SCACONSTITUTIONAL METER. Your PERCIEVED POWER LEVEL is elevated, but not enough for the guards to put you in higher security.
Soup
> Escape! Escape!
> Escape! Escape!
You would like to do so, but your perspective suddenly switches to another DEFINITELY LESS INTERESTING inmate.
Your name is WEE-WEE WILLY. You've been here for the past 5 days and it's starting to PISS YOU THE FUCK OFF. They've fed you nothing but BOILED CHICKEN and SALTLESS PEAS. You're going to off yourself if you have to be here for even another second.
What will you do?
Soup
> Utilize RAZOR PISS to slice your own head off.
> Utilize RAZOR PISS to slice your own head off.
You do so.
> ==>
what the fuck happened here?
theseusThagomizer
> Use blood to STRENGTHEN POOPIE.
Soup
> No no! This will make it LIQUIDY.
theseusThagomizer
> Blood will give you DEVIL POOPIE, which will give you a GOOD DEAL.
Soup
> Okay. This is a good idea. Create DEVIL POOPIE.
> Use blood to STRENGTHEN POOPIE.
You get a good handfull of blood off the ground and start stirring your POOP BUCKET
> ==>
As you prepare to REPOSITION THE HELMET ON YOUR HEAD, the contents of the bucket begin fizzling. The DEVIL POOPIE has metamorphised into a POOPIE DEVIL. The beast begins RUBBING YOUR SCALP WITH ITS HANDS, Stealing all the SCACONSTITUTIONAL CHARGE the bucket gave you.
Soup
> Conjure ultimate shitblast to defeat Demon. You don't need the SCAT CHARGE to do it. I believe in you.
> Conjure ultimate shitblast to defeat Demon. You don't need the SCAT CHARGE to do it. I believe in you.
You begin putting your entire mind into CONJURING. You're conjuring as hard as you fucking can.
theseusThagomizer
> End adventure. This is your hell.
> End adventure. This is your hell.
No! No! No! POOP JIMMY mustn't die yet!
Soup
what the fuck is happening
> Poop Jimmy: SEPOOPCHRITUDE!
wait no
> POOP JIMMY: SEPULCHRITURD!
> POOP JIMMY: SEPULCHRITURD!
Your head blows up from trying to cast a spell as high level as SEPULCHRITURD. GAME OVER.
THE END
By Split